We’ve all seen them, those TV shows that follow ” Professional Ghost Investigators” around taking pictures of dust and recording themselves with night vision cameras screaming about how “They totally feel a presence here man” It seems so convincing! There must be ghosts with all this scientific evidence! Instead of spending this article wasting my breath trying to explain the scientific reasoning as to why ghosts dont exist, instead we will focus today on five very obvious reasons that with a little bit of help from our good friend common sense and buddy logic, we might just figure out today that well, ghosts just cant exist!
5. There Would Be SO MANY Ghosts
Lets say for a moment that ghosts DO exist, that when you die you come back to haunt loved ones and horny teenagers who for seem reason love having sex in creepy old abandoned(?) houses, how many ghosts are we looking at here?Maybe one per every old house? No, think more a long the lines of countless BILLIONS, If the notion that someone dies every ten seconds then there are literally more ghosts haunting right now than there are ants, mosquitoes or any other well known pest, and in that case we should be not looking to priests and psychics but instead to some huge ghost busting army and forcing them to work day and night…
But lets say we narrow it down a bit, say only count those wronged, murdered, out for revenge after the grave, what kind of number are we looking at then? Still an absurd amount. According to the United States Census website, between the years of 1960 to 1996 there were a total of 666,160 murders, and before that between 1900 to 1959 there were 390,136 murders, totalling a nice disturbing number of 1,056,296 total murders, and keep in mind this is only including KNOWN murders, and also not including those murdered in war or the millions of native americans who have been murdered over the years, which would raise our total astronomically.
So if ghosts existed, we would literally be haunted by them every second of every day, in fact it would be such a common place thing that we wouldnt even care, we would just get a long with our lives knowing the late Granny is watching us while we shower…
Oh you think Im done with this point? Oh no dear reader, theres more. Where do we cross the line on ghosts? If human ghosts exist then so would animal ghosts! Oh hey remember me? Im the cow from the BURGER YOU FUCKING ATE LAST NIGHT YOU MURDERING PIECE OF SHIT. Or how about all those gold fish you just flushed right down the toilet? Fluffy?! Is that you?! I mean why stop at pets and food? Trees are alive, plants are alive, ants, spiders, or how about all those dinosaurs from all the bones we’ve been using to power our cars? you get my point. The world would be so much more of an annoying place if ghosts existed.
4. They Wouldn’t Follow These Weird Rules We Give Them
Everyone knows if you wanna catch a ghost, you gotta learn their weird rules, one of those rules is ONLY come out at night in the dark! A rather convenient time for them to haunt when our imaginations are the most active and we are most likely to hallucinate seeing things since ya know, WE CAN’T SEE ANYTHING.
You also have probably heard that ghosts love riddles, for some reason they are under some strict contract to not say what they want or mean, they can for sure play the piano or turn off lights but can’t seem to pick up a damn pen and write down instructions! I mean hell why not an etch a sketch! They can apparently write on walls in blood but not ink? Come on! But again these things like the idea of ghosts is illogical, if ghosts existed you would see them at all hours of the day, if ghosts existed they would literally call your phone or write a letter strictly saying what they want you to do.
Ghosts are just a mind game we’ve invented for ourselves, who apparently love riddles and hate the sun… We fit them into these strict rules to make it make sense to us, and to make it as spooky as we can! That’s why they always appear as creepy Victorian people who seem to love wearing black veils and spooky clothes! Speaking of which…
3. All Ghosts Would Be Naked
“Granny is that you! Oh dear God she’s Naked… MY EYES.” Yep, that’s right all ghosts would be Naked, why you ask? Well think about it, why would a being of pure energy need clothes? And why would they choose that creepy dirty looking wedding dress? If they are energy, they wouldn’t waste that energy on conjuring energy clothes from the ghost clothes store.
The whole idea is that ghosts are the indestructible energy of the human that died, but the clothes didn’t die, did they? Well unless you were guilty of murdering fashion… But seriously though, why do we see them with clothes then? Some of you might be thinking: “Uh they wear clothes because they appear to us how we want to see them! Duhh!” Oh so you finally admit it’s all in our heads? Ha gotcha! See how I tricked you into admitting that to me? I might just be psychic! Just kidding, those don’t exist either but I’ll save that discussion for a future article. Oh and speaking of naked ghosts, who says they would look human anyways?
2. Ghosts Would Not Look Human
“A ghost — or spirit or apparition — is the energy, soul or personality of a person who has died.” According to “professional ghost investigators” ghosts are the energy from a dead human, now I’m no scientist here but I’m pretty sure energy is not shaped like a human, but again this is another one of those “we know what were talking about here, we use sciency words like energy!” So if we’re talking about electro magnetic energy(the go to term from ghost investigators) then you wouldn’t even be able to see the ghost, much less it appear as a freaking human, it would likely appear as a weird see through blob of static or lightening.
If ghosts could look like a human, why would they? Humans look like humans because we need to, we need arms to pick up objects, we need heads to hold our brains and so on, you get the point, ghosts are pure energy, therefore they have NO need for a body OBVIOUSLY since they are the result of LEAVING a body! Like come on people! This isn’t hard to figure out!
1. Ghosts Would Have No Consciousness
Okay let’s look back at what we said earlier, “A ghost is the energy of a person” the ENERGY. Not the brain, organs or body, just the ENERGY. okay, so if they are just the energy then they wouldn’t be conscious beings! In the same way lightening isn’t conscious! To figure this one out we might need a little help from science on what makes a being conscious, one such scientific theory brought forward by Guilio Tononi, a US-based neuroscientist in 2008 called ‘Integrated Information Theory’, states that consciousness can, in principle, be found anywhere where there is the right kind of information processing going on, that right kind of processing requires two different things, that the system must be very rich in information AND be highly integrated, what that means is, as an example, being able to see each frame from a movie but also be able to put them together to create a moving picture.
This type of processing requires much more than a bundle of electro magnetic energy or whatever other weird energy terms these psychics make up, that’s why we humans have brains, so we CAN think, communicate and be conscious beings, without it we are none of that, the energy in combination with our extremely complicated brains are what give us consciousness, therefore these ghosts of pure energy can’t possibly think, communicate or be conscious, it just wouldn’t make any sense, but then again ghosts are not about science, or common sense, ghosts, like angels, gods or Santa clause are a human comfort that we cling to as a crutch in hard times, it’s an escape from our realities, a constant in a chaotic world, because that which does not exist, can never leave or abandone you. But willingly closing our eyes to reality will not change it, nor make things better, it is merely a distraction, one we must learn to let go of, if we ever want to truly heal.
*Featured image: A logo from the Movie Ghost Busters. This article has no affiliation with the movie or its creators.